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Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Did I tell you I'm running for reelection?

Last night's State of the Union Address, "An America Built to Last," was a farce. It was a Herculean effort in terms of pulling the wool over the eyes of the voting public, a massive exercise in forked-tongued double-speak and flat out lies. What was omitted from the speech screams nearly as shrilly as the hollow ring of what was actually said.  For your convenience (and, I'll admit, my own amusement) I will break it down for you here - what was said, what wasn't said, and what it all really means.


What he said: 
We gather tonight knowing that this generation of heroes has made the United States safer and more respected around the world. For the first time in nine years, there are no Americans fighting in Iraq. For the first time in two decades, Osama bin Laden is not a threat to this country. Most of al Qaeda’s top lieutenants have been defeated. The Taliban’s momentum has been broken, and some troops in Afghanistan have begun to come home.
These achievements are a testament to the courage, selflessness, and teamwork of America’s Armed Forces. At a time when too many of our institutions have let us down, they exceed all expectations. They’re not consumed with personal ambition. They don’t obsess over their differences. They focus on the mission at hand. They work together. 
What he meant:
 Dude, did I ever tell you guys about the time I killed Bin Laden? I only bring it up because I wanted to remind you that I really do like the military. I don't want you to be confused by the fact that I spent the last two weeks silent while my administration condemned Marines for making a bad judgment call. 
Also, notice how I draw attention to the way the Armed Forces "work together?" You know how they do that? They do what they're told to do and they don't ask questions - sometimes they don't even ask questions when they should. I want you, the public, and Congress to "work together" the way the military services do - they shut up, quit whining, and do what I tell them to do. They're not concerned with personal ambition because they're not allowed to have any when there is a mission at hand. You guys should be like that too.
What he said:
In 2008, the house of cards collapsed. We learned that mortgages had been sold to people who couldn’t afford or understand them. Banks had made huge bets and bonuses with other people’s money. Regulators had looked the other way, or didn’t have the authority to stop the bad behavior.
It was wrong. It was irresponsible. And it plunged our economy into a crisis that put millions out of work, saddled us with more debt, and left innocent, hard-working Americans holding the bag. In the six months before I took office, we lost nearly four million jobs. And we lost another four million before our policies were in full effect. 
What he meant:
It's been awhile since I've come out and said this, so I feel that I need to take this opportunity to remind you just one more time that this was all George W. Bush's fault. And the rich bankers too. OWS, this one's for you!
What he said:
The state of our Union is getting stronger. And we’ve come too far to turn back now. As long as I’m President, I will work with anyone in this chamber to build on this momentum. But I intend to fight obstruction with action, and I will oppose any effort to return to the very same policies that brought on this economic crisis in the first place. 
What he meant:
You can't see the improvement yet, but trust me, it's here. And if you reelect me, maybe you'll get a chance to see it too. If you reelect me, I also promise to continue to bypass people who have the audacity to disagree with me by taking unilateral actions in the form of non-recess "recess appointments" and executive orders that don't need to pass Congressional muster.
What he said:
On the day I took office, our auto industry was on the verge of collapse. Some even said we should let it die. With a million jobs at stake, I refused to let that happen. In exchange for help, we demanded responsibility. We got workers and automakers to settle their differences. We got the industry to retool and restructure. Today, General Motors is back on top as the world’s number one automaker. Chrysler has grown faster in the U.S. than any major car company.
What he meant: 
Pay no attention to the Chrysler and GM workers who are still collecting unemployment checks. Pay no attention to the major factories that still stand empty in your towns. The auto industry was ,saved, I tell you!
What he said:
We should start with our tax code. Right now, companies get tax breaks for moving jobs and profits overseas. Meanwhile, companies that choose to stay in America get hit with one of the highest tax rates in the world. It makes no sense, and everyone knows it. So let’s change it. First, if you’re a business that wants to outsource jobs, you shouldn’t get a tax deduction for doing it. That money should be used to cover moving expenses for companies like Master Lock that decide to bring jobs home. Second, no American company should be able to avoid paying its fair share of taxes by moving jobs and profits overseas. From now on, every multinational company should have to pay a basic minimum tax. And every penny should go towards lowering taxes for companies that choose to stay here and hire here.
What he meant:
Major companies shouldn't get tax breaks. Unless they're GE. 
What he said:
Tonight, I’m announcing the creation of a Trade Enforcement Unit that will be charged with investigating unfair trade practices in countries like China. There will be more inspections to prevent counterfeit or unsafe goods from crossing our borders. And this Congress should make sure that no foreign company has an advantage over American manufacturing when it comes to accessing finance or new markets like Russia. Our workers are the most productive on Earth, and if the playing field is level, I promise you – America will always win.
What he meant:
I'm going to create a few more government jobs. You're going to have to pay their salaries, benefits and pensions, but it will be ok because they're going to make sure you don't get cheated by China.
What he said:
Teachers matter. So instead of bashing them, or defending the status quo, let’s offer schools a deal. Give them the resources to keep good teachers on the job, and reward the best ones. In return, grant schools flexibility: To teach with creativity and passion; to stop teaching to the test; and to replace teachers who just aren’t helping kids learn.
What he meant:
A vote for me will ensure that more money goes to the teachers' unions. There will be no safeguards put into place to ensure that the money actually goes to the teachers or the students rather than the union bosses. That isn't anything new, I just wanted to make sure you were clear on that point.
What he said:
Nowhere is the promise of innovation greater than in American-made energy. Over the last three years, we’ve opened millions of new acres for oil and gas exploration, and tonight, I’m directing my Administration to open more than 75 percent of our potential offshore oil and gas resources. Right now, American oil production is the highest that it’s been in eight years. That’s right – eight years. Not only that – last year, we relied less on foreign oil than in any of the past sixteen years.
What he meant:
What Keystone Pipeline?
What he said:
That’s why I’m sending this Congress a plan that gives every responsible homeowner the chance to save about $3,000 a year on their mortgage, by refinancing at historically low interest rates. No more red tape. No more runaround from the banks. A small fee on the largest financial institutions will ensure that it won’t add to the deficit, and will give banks that were rescued by taxpayers a chance to repay a deficit of trust.
What he meant:
Banks are bad. Banks are evil. Imma punish them. (S'up, OWS?)
What he said:
We will also establish a Financial Crimes Unit of highly trained investigators to crack down on large-scale fraud and protect people’s investments. Some financial firms violate major anti-fraud laws because there’s no real penalty for being a repeat offender. That’s bad for consumers, and it’s bad for the vast majority of bankers and financial service professionals who do the right thing. So pass legislation that makes the penalties for fraud count. 
And tonight, I am asking my Attorney General to create a special unit of federal prosecutors and leading state attorneys general to expand our investigations into the abusive lending and packaging of risky mortgages that led to the housing crisis. This new unit will hold accountable those who broke the law, speed assistance to homeowners, and help turn the page on an era of recklessness that hurt so many Americans. 
What he meant:
More government jobs. Yes, you're going to be paying their salaries, benefits and pensions as well. But they're going to make and enforce new laws that mirror the ones that are already in place and should have been enforced by the DOJ before now anyway.
 What he said:
When it comes to the deficit, we’ve already agreed to more than $2 trillion in cuts and savings. But we need to do more, and that means making choices. Right now, we’re poised to spend nearly $1 trillion more on what was supposed to be a temporary tax break for the wealthiest 2 percent of Americans. Right now, because of loopholes and shelters in the tax code, a quarter of all millionaires pay lower tax rates than millions of middle-class households. Right now, Warren Buffett pays a lower tax rate than his secretary.
Do we want to keep these tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans? Or do we want to keep our investments in everything else – like education and medical research; a strong military and care for our veterans? Because if we’re serious about paying down our debt, we can’t do both.

What he meant:
 Rich people owe you something simply because they have it and you don't. You can call it class warfare if you want, because if I were telling the truth, I would call it that too.
What he said:
Each time I look at that flag, I’m reminded that our destiny is stitched together like those fifty stars and those thirteen stripes. No one built this country on their own. This Nation is great because we built it together. This Nation is great because we worked as a team. This Nation is great because we get each other’s backs. And if we hold fast to that truth, in this moment of trial, there is no challenge too great; no mission too hard. As long as we’re joined in common purpose, as long as we maintain our common resolve, our journey moves forward, our future is hopeful, and the state of our Union will always be strong.
What he meant: 
Did I happen to mention that I am running for reelection this year? Obama 2012!!!


That brings us to the things he left out: 
I let my administration run roughshod over the Marines who peed on the dead Taliban fighters because I was hoping that it would draw attention away from the fact that my Attorney General allowed American guns to be trafficked into Mexico, resulted in at least one dead American Border Patrol Agent.
I repeatedly blame House Republicans for budget standoffs when the Senate has gone over 1000 days without passing a budget - which was their job in the first place. 
I give money to failing companies like Solyndra while refusing to support job-creating projects like the Keystone Pipeline because I have bought into the Al Gore version of a greener America - even if it costs us our current version of America to get it.
Pay no attention to the fact that members of my party and even former campaign staffers are doing everything they can to create an environment that is conducive to continued fraudulent voting practices in the 2012 election.
So, what should we make of this? There are two possibilities:
First, President Obama has bought stock in the manure he's currently shoveling. If that is the case, then  we need to vote him out in 2012 and elect someone who has the ability to discern fact from crap.
The second alternative is that President Obama knows exactly what is going on. He knows that his policies will not have the effects that he tells us they will. If that is the case, then we need to vote him out in 2012 and elect someone who is a little less comfortable deceiving the American people.

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